IT'S SUMMER !

I spent the first days of my summer working in my yard. That's what I enjoy - digging in the dirt! Steve and I enjoyed the time together contemplating our new lifestyle. What are we doing tomorrow? Driving to Austin to watch our sweet Aubreigh graduate from elementary school (far too soon, in my opinion!) Then off to see my BFF, Bonnie. (BFF is teen language meaning "Best Friend Forever" in case you didn't know.) Back home on Wednesday to begin MAMMA'S FREE SUMMER DAY CARE.

LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

I will never forget my first day of school as the Nimitz Choir Director. Fifteen years ago, with butterflies in my tummy, I opened the door to the hallway outside my classroom. Because I had arrived quite early in the morning, the rays of the sunrise were gleaming through the glass windows at the other end of the hallway. I remember thanking God for sending me a sign that this was the right place for me at that time. This morning, as I entered the building for the last time, I was amazed to see the same thing! Maybe nobody else noticed God's rays of hope, but I did. Thank you, God for sending me another sign that this is the right move for me again. Through all the changes in my life, God's love has never changed.

ONE DAY.....I'VE STOPPED COUNTING

WORDS TO DESCRIBE MY FEELINGS FOR TOMORROW:

Excitement
Emotional
Sentimental
Nervous
Giddy
Enthusiastic
Relieved
Surreal
Guilty
Ready
Grateful
Concerned
Melancholy

The emotions are mixed, but the time is right.
Retirement begins at 4:00 tomorrow.

BRING ON THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!

TWO DAYS AND COUNTING

I CAN SEE THE FINISH LINE!!! and it's looking real good! This has been a very long good-bye. Packing up my things. Leaving my nest. Something tells me that the finish line is really the starting line. I look forward to the next leg of the race.

THREE DAYS AND COUNTING

SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST! That's how I describe the last week of school. I am surviving by busying the kids with games and movies. I am busying myself with cleaning out files and shelves. Tomorrow I will begin removing my identity from the choir room. My photos, awards, memorabilia.... time to pack up. Many memories to leave behind. One humorous part of the day, though. As I was cleaning out my desk, I noticed the tape measure that I use for uniform fittings. I couldn't help but smile as I rolled it up and placed it in the drawer. No more uniform fittings for me! That's nice.

FOUR DAYS AND COUNTING

Today was a happy day - not a doubt at all that I am doing the right thing. My friend and successor, Angela, came to school and I introduced her to the kids. It was like giving my babies away. But, not sad at all. Because I know that they will be in good hands. Then my friends had a retirement reception for me. So many sweet friends. I've had a great career. I am very excited to start a new life.

FIVE DAYS AND COUNTING

Last choir rehearsal.....CHECK! Last concert.....CHECK! This is the last Sunday before the last Monday. It seems that I am seeing every action as a last. It's a feeling that I've never experienced before....unexplainable, really.....like I'm in limbo. Nostalgia and emotion come over in waves. But then, there is this opposite feeling. Little twinges like electricity running through my heart. Like a thousand butterflies in my tummy all ready to take off for their next fabulous adventure. And I am saying, "take me with you, I'm ready to fly."

SIX DAYS AND COUNTING

No tears today. Seems like the longest week of the year. Time to have a pop show and be done with it. I am settling in to this.

SEVEN DAYS AND COUNTING

Let the good-byes begin. Today, I started breaking away. First of all, I posed for this silly photo surrounded by all the trophies my choir has earned over the past 15 years. I always tell my students that awards in themselves are worthless, but the value is in the superior performance level that they represent. Looking at that cluster of trophies took my breath away. My mind took me back to kids that I have worked with over these years. I thought about the tremendous amount of time and effort that went in to each award. I also realized the personal price that I paid for each trophy. A lifetime of work is represented here. Work that I am very proud of. Work that I hope touched the lives of my students. Work that I am ready to pass on to another generation. U.I.L. - you and I are finished - I'll just sit back and enjoy being the judge.

EIGHT DAYS AND COUNTING

A very busy week preparing for pop show, typing the program for the show, finalizing this year's work and getting things ready for next year. I am experiencing very sudden mood changes during these days. I know that I made the right decision, but I cry at the drop of a hat. I feel that one foot is in the door while the other is out. I am auditioning students for choirs that I will not teach. I am cleaning out files that I will not use. I am planning for a school year that will not include me. Very stange.

NINE DAYS AND COUNTING

SINGLE DIGITS!!! This is beginning to feel very surreal. Today was indeed filled with things I will miss about teaching. The annual awards assembly to honor the top students at Nimitz. My beautiful freshman girls singing a song that seemed just for me. Today the tears flowed. This retirement thing is quite a roller coaster. The ride has begun and I have no choice but to finish. Life as I know it will cease to exist. I hold on to the life of a teacher because it is what I know. I look forward to learning to live another way. Single digits - almost there.

10 DAYS AND COUNTING

A few years ago I made a list of things I would not miss about teaching. The list at that time included 154 items. Today was just full of things from the list!!!
1. Pop show choreography.
2. "Spit out your gum!" (My own grandson)
3. "Somebody stole my folder!"
4. Before school rehearsal.
5. After school rehearsal.
6. Rude parent.
7. Attendance nazi.
8. Setting up the sound system in the gym for a program.
9. Did I say..... Pop show choreography????
10. Choosing partners for pop show choreography.
11. Teaching BOYS pop show choreography.
Hopefully tomorrow will be filled with things I will miss about teaching.

11 DAYS AND COUNTING

It is beginning to feel like the end. The kids worked well today on their Pop Show music. They seem really excited. Choreography work made the day very noisy, but fun. Some kids asked questions about choir plans for next year. I am beginning to hear whisperings about a retirement reception .... at least I think so. I was instructed to report to the administration building next Monday and that I would probably want to dress up. My guess - a retirement reception. The day ended in an expected, but surreal way. My hand picked replacement came to Nimitz for her interview and her transfer papers were signed. I feel like a "lame duck" choir director. But, that doesn't feel bad at all. Change can be good.

THIS IS ME DOING WHAT I DO BEST

The photo above shows me in my element. I am a musician, a conductor, an educator.... where do I go from here? My retirement date is set, papers are signed, announcements have been made..... no turning back. . . . and I don't want to. But the woman you see in the center of that picture will lose a part of her identity at the end of the month. I wait with anticipation to see what God has in store for the next chapter in my life, but allow me to mourn the loss of the "Mrs. Lollar" part of me.

13 DAYS AND COUNTING

"DENIAL"
I tried to show my freshman girls my retirement awards from last night's banquet. In unison, several of them put their hands out toward me, palm to my face, and said, "DENIAL!" Questioning the meaning, they said, "You aren't leaving.....we're in DENIAL. Let's sing!" It made me sad, but I know that they are partially in denial that they, too, are leaving the cozy little nest that we've enjoyed together. They, too, are moving on to new adventures. They are just as scared as I am. Do you know what we did after that? We SANG, and SANG, and SANG some more. Music is good medicine - even for DENIAL.

14 DAYS AND COUNTING

Today, I felt back to normal. The kids and I rehearsed music for our pop show and we really had a good time. For some reason, they giggle when I try to do the Beyonce choreography...... I can't understand why. Worked today to get the students placed in the correct choirs for next year. I want to leave my little world in perfect shape for my successor. I'm taking care of my children.
I went to the ECISD Employee Awards Banquet and received my 30 year service award. A beautiful watch for 30 years of "good behavior." That will be my last gathering of that type with the district, and I'm OK with that.

15 Days and Counting

What a week! The previous weekend of delight at the idea of retirement changed on Monday morning. That was the day I had to turn in my letters of resignation. Hard to believe, but in my long career, I have never written a letter of resignation! Transferred a time or two, but never resigned. Monday was a "butterflies in the tummy" day. Tuesday was another story! Telling my students was very difficult and emotionally draining. I spent most of the afternoon at home crying. I guess I'm back on the mend now. Wednesday was better, although still I'm a bit down. An after school end-of-year meeting helped me remember why I made this decision. The thought of following someone else's rules and schedule for another year is too much for me. I look forward to finding a new way of life.

MELANCHOLY

Wow! An emotional roller coaster. From the giddy, excitement of dreaming about my retirement yesterday to telling my students today. Happy / sad. Very confusing.

DECISION MADE

After today, Life as I know it will never be the same. A decision has been made and acted upon. After thirty years as a public school music teacher, I resigned my job today. Months and months and months of weighing the pros and cons..... making lists....budgets....investments....looking at the practical side of the decision. Then the emotional side. This year has been one of reaching the highest level of performance in my teaching and in my students' musicianship. After the peak in February, the depression followed. This has long been a pattern in my career, but this high and low were the most extreme that I have experienced. Quite scary, I must admit. Today, I can say with complete certainty that God worked through my emotional roller coaster to bring me to the right decision for my life, the choice to begin my retirement from full time teaching. Retirement from teaching??? No way! Just firing my employer and going out on my own. Seventeen more days as Mrs. Lollar. Can't wait to meet Ms. Kathy again.

GARDENING IS LIFE

Today I dug in the dirt! That's what I do when I need to relax - I plant something. I went to four different gardening centers looking for exactly the right choices for my flower beds. These gardens align the entrance to my home, so they need to be just right. I settled on the varieties, selected the colors and bought the elements that they need to help them grow. Next, the hard part - saying good bye to my old friends. My happy "monkey faced" pansies that perked up the place all fall and winter. Then the tulips that made their surprise appearance at the first sign of springtime. They had served their purpose and it was time for them to go. With a little bit of hesitation, I pulled them up from the earth and tossed them aside. Fresh soil was added to the spent dirt. Geraniums, snapdragons, petunias and johnny jump-ups now line my front door. Still in their infancy, a few blossoms and buds have appeared. With time and the summer sun, these new seedlings will create a festive summer display. Then with time, they too will have served their purpose. Months from now, when they have grown two feet tall and are parched from the West Texas heat, they will be replaced with more "monkey faced" pansies. One day in the fall, when I feel the need to dig in the dirt.